DEATH, LOVE AND LIFE
Dear Love,
Death always comes as a shock even when it is expected, for instance, in the case of terminal illness. So what you are going through is pretty normal. It is called grieving, and grieving is a process rather than an event. Although you don't say how long ago he passed away, it will take time for you to come to terms with the fact that someone you were close to is no longer here.
For those who are left, the loss of a loved one feels like the world has come to an end. But over time, the feeling of devastation begins to fade. However,there are things you can do to help you cope better with your loss.
This is just like tending to physical wound-in order for it to heal nicely, with minimal scarring,one must keep it clean and sometimes covered or even immobile. There are even wounds that require to be disinfected against anything that could cause them to become worse. Over time, and with proper care, the wound should heal and the person can become effective again.
When it comes to the emotional wounds caused by death, you will need to adjust your activities to accommodate what you are going through. Life cannot go on as usual so it is not surprising that you are unable to eat or sleep as usual. However, you do need to preserve your health so whenever you can, eat something healthy. Instead of sitting down to three meals a day,eat snacks throughout the day to keep up your strength. And sleep whenever you feel the need rather than when you should. This might require you to take a few days off from school, if you are a student. If a worker a leave is key.
It is also normal for memories of your boyfriend or girlfriend to flood your mind. Don't block them out. Let them come with all the attendant emotions-sadness, laughter, contemplation,tears... This should be done in safe space, where people allow you to process whatever you are experiencing.
That means surrounding yourself with people who make you feel safe enough to express yourself freely. As much as possible,keep out of the way of the bullies as they will only add to your grief and delay your healing.
Rather than wonder about the future, take each day at a time. You will find that some days are easier to cope with than others, and that's okay. It's all part of the process. Although at first the days may seem like a blur, it would be good at some point to try and become more aware of time passing.
Set a (loose) 'deadline' for how long you will allow the grief to fill your thoughts and activities. This doesn't mean you will not experience it after your 'deadline' but it will set you free to move on.
Moving on doesn't necessarily mean finding another lover - it means getting back into the flow of 'normal' life and is an important part of healing,as living in the past tends to be counterproductive.
Death always comes as a shock even when it is expected, for instance, in the case of terminal illness. So what you are going through is pretty normal. It is called grieving, and grieving is a process rather than an event. Although you don't say how long ago he passed away, it will take time for you to come to terms with the fact that someone you were close to is no longer here.
For those who are left, the loss of a loved one feels like the world has come to an end. But over time, the feeling of devastation begins to fade. However,there are things you can do to help you cope better with your loss.
This is just like tending to physical wound-in order for it to heal nicely, with minimal scarring,one must keep it clean and sometimes covered or even immobile. There are even wounds that require to be disinfected against anything that could cause them to become worse. Over time, and with proper care, the wound should heal and the person can become effective again.
When it comes to the emotional wounds caused by death, you will need to adjust your activities to accommodate what you are going through. Life cannot go on as usual so it is not surprising that you are unable to eat or sleep as usual. However, you do need to preserve your health so whenever you can, eat something healthy. Instead of sitting down to three meals a day,eat snacks throughout the day to keep up your strength. And sleep whenever you feel the need rather than when you should. This might require you to take a few days off from school, if you are a student. If a worker a leave is key.
It is also normal for memories of your boyfriend or girlfriend to flood your mind. Don't block them out. Let them come with all the attendant emotions-sadness, laughter, contemplation,tears... This should be done in safe space, where people allow you to process whatever you are experiencing.
That means surrounding yourself with people who make you feel safe enough to express yourself freely. As much as possible,keep out of the way of the bullies as they will only add to your grief and delay your healing.
Rather than wonder about the future, take each day at a time. You will find that some days are easier to cope with than others, and that's okay. It's all part of the process. Although at first the days may seem like a blur, it would be good at some point to try and become more aware of time passing.
Set a (loose) 'deadline' for how long you will allow the grief to fill your thoughts and activities. This doesn't mean you will not experience it after your 'deadline' but it will set you free to move on.
Moving on doesn't necessarily mean finding another lover - it means getting back into the flow of 'normal' life and is an important part of healing,as living in the past tends to be counterproductive.
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